Of Capping and Commencing: The Path We Trust in 2018

2017 indeed was a life-changing year for me, and I thought it could not go any further, until 2018 came and happened. True enough. 2017 had enough spaces for 2018 to answer, and thankfully, this year did.

A year ago, I came up with the mantra, "Trust the Path, Trust His Heart" for 2018. I started the year with zero concrete plans, letting God carry the year in the direction and in the way He purposes to do. 

There was only one thing I was certain last year--2018 will be a bumpy year. Sure enough, it was not only filled with bumps, but with the most unexpected plot twists I've never seen coming even years ago. 

Be it the humps, the turns, and the shifts--as the year ends--I can now see how they've worked together to cover something and to unfold another. That is how I got the name of the path I've trod this 2018--"of capping and commencing."

Ending vs. Capping: The Difference

2018's first lesson was to show me the difference between the end of something, and that thing being capped off. 2017 was a year of endings, but they were only capped off this 2018. They were only covered and closed this 2018. Like a bottle water, when it is empty, we can say that it has been consumed, it has ended its use, but unless we cover the bottle with its cap, we could not say that the bottle has been "completed" and "closed." Similarly, the use of a "once functional" room might have ended, but unless we cap it off and close the doors, the room has not yet been "finished" and "cleared." 

I believe that life consists of varying phases and processes, I could recall since 2009 when my adolescent and teenage years began, how I've journeyed into different rooms of the different phases of my life. As I've traversed from one room to another, I do not really remember closing doors as much as I could. Thus even from one room, I can always see the other room from the other side, and since doors remained open, I can travel back-and-forth from one room to another, from one phase of life to another. 

Let's say that 2009-2017 are those phases, I personally divide them into four (2009-2011, 2012-2013, 2013-2016, 2017). I have not closed a single door from these phases...until 2018, where I had to close them one-by-one.

"2018 taught me that putting up the right amount of distance is but healthy and necessary."

Capping: The Key towards Actualized Gratitude and Contentment

This 2018, I saw the advent of the necessity for "detachment." It used to be a word I was dreadful and fearful about. But as time matures, as life develops, I realized that 

we cannot always keep all doors open, all the time. 

There must be a point where we decide to close them--and we must understand that it is never an act of selfishness, neither an act of being rude and unkind. In fact, the act of closing doors is an act of gratitude. It is putting the words "thank you" into a reality. We are grateful for what the process and the phase have taught us, and for how they have developed us into the person we are now. I am twenty-three, and it is real that "quarter-life crisis" is nearer than we thought it should be, with the shorter lifespan of people nowadays. No wonder, the struggles seem to "come so early" and we most of the time feel like "they are too much." But capping off phases from yesteryear will tells us differently--

"we are ready." 

Not only is capping off an act of gratitude, it is also an act of acceptance. And acceptance, whether we like it or not, is a crucial ingredient for contentment, and later on, maturity. 2018 taught me that 

unless I cap, I cannot commence. 

Closing doors marks as a thorough understanding and recognition of what life has been in the former years. It is basically saying "yes, I know you all. And it ends here. And it's time for you to rest." Maybe the reason why we get so tired with 2018 is because we still carry things from 2012, or 2015, and imagine the years piling up as we move to 2019... it must cease. Cessation is not always negative. On the other hand, this form of cessation is paramount to one's well-being. When we cease, when we close doors, when we cap off, they give us that sense of acceptance, where in we nod in humility and just thank God for how He has safely brought us this far. With that, we are comforted, and we become contented of where we are now. 

Let the past rest (in peace). 

Bring its lessons, maybe its memories too, but refuse to linger or return therein--it has grown tired, and so do you. Let it rest, and cap them off.

Guiltlessly Cap-off!

So yes, it is indeed rightful to set parameters and boundaries. To begin with, we as believers should never be too attached with anything or with anyone in this world--apart from Christ alone. 2018 taught me that work must remain as work--it must be treated as work. Studies will only be studies when we purposefully see it as such. And church simply stays as church when we are reminded of how it has been Divinely designed. It is healthy to delineate the differences, and to make sure that although they are interrelated, they do not overlap. Work-life, school-life, and church-life balances could only be successfully attained if we set parameters, and if we close the books of the former phases in life.

Failing to cap off, I have realized that I have lost a lot of energy, and thus become restless and aimless with almost the half of 2018. In eliminating the root causes for consequential seasons of malaise, I have seen that there were too much in my plate. Some HAVE TO GO. And though they were tough decisions to make, I am glad that I was able to close them. I am twenty-three turning twenty-four and it will be a decade next year since I have surrendered my will and my life to Him--I guess it is but fitting to close the period of my teens--together with all its idiosyncrasies. Closing them have brought me lighter loads and clear-cut definitions of where I am and where I am going, of who I am, and who I should become. They took away half of my anxiety, and gave me the right amount of focus, with the right amount of accountability and responsibility. Since then, I became more energized to live, had less traumatizing attacks, and became more productive (for that, God lead me to a new job, just fit for my current priorities, without any traces from the past.)

Commencing: 2018's Paradigm Shifts

A constant question that haunted me last 2017 was geared towards having a clearer and finer definition of "ministry." In capping off the phases and seasons of the past, I have come to the truth that only few Christians do understand or remember: 

Ministry is service and one's mission field is one's God-given sphere of influence to His children. 

Sadly as I sat back in retrospection and observation, too many people have limited the word "service" into the church building (not even the people). But is ministry all about being church-y? Recalling OT and NT stories, Bible characters, and even lives of Christians before, not much of them circulated within the ekklesia. Rather they started from the ekklesia, and the sphere of influence grew outwardly--to the world. At this point in life, I am more concerned with who I am outside the church, and with how I perform outside the church, with how I model Christ at work, to my students, colleagues, or even people I bump with anywhere I go. 

Sadly some salts prefer to stay inside the package or inside the salt bottle, rather than being spilled to that which it must preserve. Sadly some lights prefer to be stuck within the jar or to be hid beneath a bushel, rather than being cast on to the depths of the sea.

2018 taught me that there is more to the Christian life, other than the church building. 

Sadly, others have a misunderstanding on the concept of "ministry and service" to the point that it tarnishes other highly vital aspects in life such as family, relationships, academics, careers, and even one's health. Prioritizing God first as stated in Matthew 6:33 did not talk about dedicating one's life to the church building (unless you are called to do so), but rather surrendering one's life to the Lord in every aspect. I do not belittle nor despise the local church--it is still Biblical and highly important to be part of a God-lead local church, but to revolve one's life entirely into it is definitely another thing. The Lord has called us to be witnesses in Judaea, Samaria, and the uttermost parts of the world--obviously, that statement alone implies that our walk, witness, and testimony have to circulate outwardly.

I am grateful for the Divinely-orchestrated opportunities to radiate and reflect Christ this 2018 outside the ekklesia. I am blessed and privileged to represent the Lord in the academe, in conferences, before professors, students, classmates, colleagues, and even family and friends outside the church. I have found clearer lines or where I am called to, and to whom I should be ministering to. All by God's solid grace, I remain in awe for this blessing.

Commencement Continues: Slowly, Smoothly, Yet Surely and Steadily

This is the new phase I have entered in, anyway. This is the path of 2018 God has called me to walk in. As a Christian educator, this is my wider, greater sphere of influence. This is where I have commenced after I have closed doors. Writing this, these are still all by grace through faith. I thank God for showing me this 2018 that His strength and power are wrapped in His grace, mercy, and love. I thank Him for sustaining me this year, despite the countless time I have grown faithless, weak, sick, and even dying. To be a 90s kid in this era of haste, I have learned the secret of thriving herein: Detach. Distance. Declutter. More than that, take things slowly, one at a time, smoothly. I believe 2019 comes with a greater pressure, density and weight, but 2018 has taught me what to do when that happens--to take matters slowly, smoothly. With God's enabling, He'll make me prepared and equipped. And it is certain that persisting in this path would bring sure and steady growth and development--one that is sustainable and enduring.

Happy New Year! I say thank you, not just to 2018, but from 2009-2017 as well. The lessons from my youth will be carried and cherished well. But for now, it's time to CAP and let the former years to rest and for the future to finally COMMENCE.