#SLCAsia 2018: A Defining Mo(ve)ment

My heads were held high. I stood firm and still. I had my projection at its utmost and best posture. I wore a dignified black dress and a pair of gray sandals with three-inch heels, with a full 'gala' make-up as I entered SMX Convention Center, last February 27, 2018, around 3pm. All smiles, I walked in that bright and very well-lighted venue, packed with a sea of people from different walks of life.

"Nothing wrong to look presentable, yet modest, for the Lord, right?"

"Nothing wrong to look 'okay,' to look joyful and fully recovered."

"Nothing wrong to show the world how far I've come since SLC Asia 2016."

Nothing wrong?

I'd like to begin this post-SLC Asia 2018 reflection article by being brutally honest to myself and to my readers with this fact:

SLC Asia usually began with a 'hall of projections,' not generally to all who attended, but at least to some, to a few, maybe more than what I currently imagine. Whatever the number, I know I was always part of that.

I did not see a person heavily frown, ugly cry, or ragingly get furious, or even unashamedly sink in some corner, sit and sulk oneself in agony, pain, anxiety, or depression. Maybe they were, but they were not showing themselves on the general surface.

I saw, rather, a dozen of hugs, handshakes, selfies/groupies, smiles and laughter, moments of surprises because of unexpected meetings, because of how age and time changes faces and circumstances, and basically just how far the Lord has taken His children and His story.

Yet I wonder, before the first message that night, before the first hundred-voice choir song, how many hearts were on the exact opposite position of their countenances? How many thoughts are on the exact contrary to their unvoiced and unheard struggles, pitfalls, frailties?

This year's Spiritual Leadership Conference Asia was more like a work of pottery, instituted by the Potter Himself. He has brought paintbrushes, molding blades, and His hand on my 2018 and beyond clay. The conference did drew lines that define my present, and somehow redirected my future. But its process did not come easy. It had to strip away the 'plastic' (no pun intended--pun is in the context of Filipino English, though) projection, slice the skin, and peel of the callous coverings to re-soften a rigid mind and a tough heart. These were 4 distinct lines that defined present moments, and futuristic movements.

I. The Line of Separation: A Crippling-Cleansing Act

"More of a demarcation line, I saw myself standing on the present, while the ground shook and divided the land. The Controller of nature divided my life into plates of the past and the present towards the future. I saw the plate of the past drift far from the plate where I was standing, and so are the memories from it, fleeting and fleeing, blur and diminishing, 'til I no longer see myself in that place anymore."

One thing I failed to mention in my 2017 year-ender article was my resolution to the pains and aches of that year. Truth is, I started 2018 still bearing them. Though I myself have forgiven that chapter, my forgiveness brewed and stirred a longing in my heart for healing, reconciliation, and restoration of everything that was broken since 2016-2017. I wanted to see some sort of mending this 2018. And to me, there was nothing wrong to project to the world that I have recovered, yet to inwardly desire for a more, fuller recovery with that past.

However as time progressed, it turned out that I just wanted healing so badly. I just wanted to be able to walk boldly with my head held high, standing strong and firm, asserting my worth every single time. I wanted to prevail from and against the past. I want to step over the land of the past with the banner of victory in my hands. I wanted to reach the point where the land of the past will regret its wrongdoings as I step over their heads. That was my perspective of healing. That was the idea of the beginning of my movement to the future.

But the Lord, in just one single touch of Jacob's thigh (Genesis 32:24-32), showed Jacob, and showed me, that true Divine prevailing comes in human crippling. True Divine healing comes in human hurting. True Divine strengthening comes in human weakening. True Divine enabling comes in human disabling--it is in realizing and acknowledging the only Source of our lives, the only rightful Focus of our lives, the only absolute Power of our lives that strips away all man-made inventions towards healing, peels off man-made covering and projections to demonstrate, and rather open our hands and palms from its closed fists position to one where it tightly holds on the Lord and never lets Him go. In our human endeavors of trying our best to fight this life with closed fists, on our own strength, we also do let go of the Lord and His power. No wonder, standing on the grounds of the past do not seem triumphant, but futile. No wonder, it is impossible to get to the future God has prepared for us. No wonder, running, marching, leaping in our strength will never get us to the promised land, but limping in His power and presence will.

It was said,

"if you want to go forward for the Lord, the tactics of the past won't work." "It should not be us, 'man-handling God, but God, God-handling us."

True and Divine prevailing comes when we reach the end of human strength, intellect, and ability. It comes when we can no longer move apart from holding on to the Lord. It comes when we hit the ground, bow our heads, kneel and seek the Lord in our prayer closets. True prevailing, after all, has nothing to do with outward projections of healing.

I had the right prayer, the right desire, but my perspective was wrong. My position was wrong. My heart was gravely wrong. However the prerequisite of a prevailing prayer was that my position must be to where God is, aligned to what He wants.

True enough,

"we must be concerned with more than just our Godly appearances--we must be Godly in our hearts."

"Total-annihilation of sin. Total-annihilation of everything that distracted us from fulfilling God's will, His call and His cause." This very sin of pride, apathy, and egocentrism had to be surrendered. Despite this phrase being cliché, it is still something difficult to live by:

"The Christian life, the ministry has never been about us. It has always been about the Lord."

And everything must revolve on Him--be it healing and prevailing from the past, be it battling the spiritual warfare, be it walking and living this life.

That morning of March 01, 2018,  I laid down all forms of distractions that rooted from my erratic self-confidence and pride. I gave up and stopped running in my own strength. I chose to limp along in the power of God.

That evening, I was consoled and comforted by the very truth that God delights in us when we sanctify and set ourselves apart for His wonders. Indeed, the prerequisite of His marvelous deeds are clean vessels on which it could successfully flow in. The prerequisite of a bright, warm, strong and zealous Light that would shine in the dark is a clean light bulb where it could successfully reflect such Light.

Since the day, a shift happened. More of a demarcation line, I saw myself standing on the present, while the ground shook and divided the land. The Controller of nature divided my life into plates of the past and the present towards the future. I saw the plate of the past drift far from the plate where I was standing, and so are the memories from it, fleeting and fleeing, blur and diminishing, 'til I no longer see myself in that place anymore. As the shift continued, I was standing, but my hands were not on my waist--my hands were holding His. My feet was not proudly showing its skill in balancing--it was only dependent and reliant on Him who kept me from falling.

II. The Line of Surrender: A Clinging-Committing Act

"Together with the demarcation line, came a bent and bowed line. It resembled a fetus in a mother's womb, heavily dependent on the mother for strength, sustenance and source of living. It was a bent line that thrives be it amidst fire or amidst floods."

The messages at the main services, together with the sessions I attended at the conference seemed to be so congruent with one another, and with where I should be.

Because of my human crippling, I returned to my 'fetal position'--a position that forgets everything else except its Source of living, strength and sustenance.

Honestly, all throughout the conference I had triggers, here and there. I had a number of 'what ifs' running hastily to and from in my mind. I had a couple of doubts, of questions, anxieties and worries... nevertheless I am thankful that as a child of God, all I needed was to bend and bow--to return to that fetus line, to return to truth-based and Christ-centric transformational worship. It is returning to that fetal stage where I had nothing but the Lord's hand upon every breath of my life. It is returning to that fetal days where only the Lord matters--all else was sacrificially surrendered to Him. It is returning to that point-in-time where I lived on the truth that I am nothing--everything that He has made me to be rightfully belongs to Him.

And it is in bowing, bending beneath and before Him that I saw His power, His protection upon my life. I know from that day on that whether I am ushered to flames in fiery furnaces (the 3 Hebrew children), or before turbulent waters and seas (Moses and the Israelites, Joshua and the Israelites), I am limping along in His power. I am resting assuredly beneath His promise (His yoke is easy, His burden is light). I am leaning on the Everlasting Arms. I am standing still as He performs His wonders. He will forgive and restore. He will enable and empower. He will strengthen. He will pave and work the way out. He will deliver. He will turn the tables and do the plot twists. And nothing of that is from or on me. Everything is definitely of Him, and it will always be marvelous. Thus I must be ready. I must be prepared. I must have sanctified myself, separated myself from anything that is apart of Him. I must have fully committed myself to Him, back into that fetal position.

Together with the demarcation line, came a bent and bowed line. It resembled a fetus in a mother's womb, heavily dependent on the mother for strength, sustenance and source of living. It was a bent line that thrives be it amidst fire or amidst floods. I was in that fetal line--worshipping with my life on the line, because Christ alone is worthy of worship.

III. The Line of Service: A Clearing-Confirming Act

Now, here is the part where God revealed to a lot of us, even to me, His leading and direction. It is a "Spiritual LEADERSHIP Conference" and it is but only necessary to seek the Lord for His rightful leading and guidance.

The past was settled. The present repositioned. And having both ultimately lead to the redirecting for the future. That is how the Lord works. He clears the unnecessary baggage in our life, one by one, starting from the past to the present.

Called as a Christian educator, I prayed that within 2018, the Lord would furthermore reveal to me what He wants me to do with that calling and where He wants me to be. I sought Him to reveal to me 'my place in His vineyard.'

Well one. He has confirmed my future, lifetime destiny, as a 'missionary kid.'

But more importantly, He has confirmed the nature of my calling--that in this 21'st century world, missionaries and their ministries need more and more co-laborers, or ministry partners. Education or the academe, together with the corporate world and the medical field, is one of the best avenues to build partnerships with the ministry, with missions. I have seen the Lord move through various God-orchestrated and God-initiated wonders for Christian education, and I have seen it supported and further ushered missionaries and God's ministry into reaching the unreached.

It once more eliminated doubts within my head, thinking whether education and furthermore, writing and research were for me. They are for me.. but more than that they are for Him. God has called me to support and be part(ners) with every missionary's God-given success story. Though I am still more than willing to become a missionary myself, but as of the moment, that is the future He confirms to me: A Christian educator, writer, researcher, reaching the unreached from the Philippines to Asia and the 10/40 window.

IV. The Line of Striving Together: A Connecting-Collaborating Act

I am forever grateful to the Lord for conferences like this. I see thousands of Christians, Baptists, from almost 50 different countries around the world, corporately worshipping the Lord and surrendering lives to Him and for His cause, and that gives a lingering thrill and encouragement to my heart. It makes me have more faith in the truth that "the best is yet to come for God's people and for His work." I am utterly grateful for my church, and my school, that give their full support to Godly endeavors like these, for the host churches who lavishly spent their lives into fulfilling God's desire and mandate. There was not a single moment wasted in conference, not a single moment regretted and sighed or frowned upon. We all wanted more of the conference, we all await for either the Lord's coming or for SLC Asia 2020 to happen.

I am thankful for the bridges being strongly built, the linkages and the networks that are being wonderfully weaved--all headed towards one goal, yet through various God-orchestrated ways and mediums--that is, the fulfillment of the Great Commission. That is, making Christ's last command our first priority.

4 lines have been drawn to change the society, to change the world. These lines are to glow in the dark, these lines are to lead the lost to the only one true Way. These lines are to state, show, and stand as the difference between God's people from the world. These lines are the path wherein the next generation of Godly leaders can walk in, and from there, forge new God-carved lines into the history of mankind.

SLC Asia ended with hearts were on the same exact position of their countenances. Thoughts were on the exact similarity to the decisions they have made, to the lives they have committed, to all Bible principles they have learned and applied.

SLC Asia ended with coming face-to-face the truth, with hearts and minds softened, with lives of repentance, renewal, revival. Projections of the self faded--the Biblical presentation of Christ, His life, His Word and His work emanated.

Reliant on God, my heads were held high. I stood firm and still. I had my projection at its utmost and best posture. I wore a black, white and red checkered dress and a pair of beige sandals with three-inch wedge heels, with a light make-up as I walked out of SMX Convention Center, last March 01, 2018, around 10pm. All smiles, I walked out of that bright and very well-lighted venue, as a clean vessel with no unnecessary baggage of distraction, ready for God's wonders to flow in crystal clear, as a set-apart, clean lightbulb ready to ignite Godly changes in the academe, in the ministry, and in the unreached places. No more pretensions and projections--because what matters most now is how God would be reflected and projected. With a heart aligned with His, with a mind in line with His, with desires congruent with His--I went out with peace, with a true smile.

"Nothing wrong to be right with the Lord and radiate than from the inside-out."

"Nothing to be joyfully at peace with Him."

"Nothing wrong to tell the world of the God who is behind every SLC, from 2016, to 2018, to 2020 and beyond, every wonder, and every work and how far He has brought me in the span of those years, and how far He'll take me in the span of the next few decades."

To God be all the glory!