Youth Camp 2013: Why Was It a Miracle--A Testimony of His Miracles
Looking back at who I am before camp, and who I am today as I write this, all I could ever say is just, "Thank You Lord, it was all only a MIRACLE from You!"
THE PROLOGUE. PART I
My life had been very draggy, heavy, and burdensome since January. One wrong decision after another has been made, until I was left in a situation where it seems like nothing can redeem me any longer. I had, once again, strayed too far, just way too far, and in and of myself I was already incapable of saving myself from the mire I chose to dive in. I knew only GOD could make a MIRACLE. But I don't know when, I don't know how, I just don't know.
When Youth Camp was first announced to us last February, I really didn't care. It was totally OUT of my mind. I focused on other cares, for I really had many other cares, and camp seemed to be out of the picture that time. I thought my situation was really far from reach that even an activity called "Youth Camp" can't do anything with it, so that time, I rather lingered being in the mire, enjoying the pleasures of this world for a season, with a crowd of friends who gave me "seemingly the right advice", when in fact, they were just for self-gratification and self-satisfaction. I had a wrong envision for myself then. I envisioned myself to be that one popular student in school who will do anything in order to be recognized in the midst of the university's tough and rough competition. I was willing to compromise, because that time, I'd thought that what I would compromise wasn't a big deal anyway.
So from a fully surrendered life since May 2010, I was starting to take back some portions of my life again, and reserve those rooms for myself.
HOW DID THINGS BEGIN ANYWAY?
I surrendered my life to whatever the Lord wills for my life last May 2010. I finally said "yes", even to the possibility of serving Him full-time in the ministry. I asked Him that time (for I was an incoming senior high school student) to lead me to the course that He wants for me.
Months passed, and the entrance examinations for different top universities began. Along with my parents, I've dreamed of studying in the top universities such as UP and DLSU, with fame courses such as BS Economics, AB Organizational Communications, AB Social Science, AB Journalism, just for the university's "name" sake. So we tried to do everything just in order to pass their entrance exams.
But none of them was God's will for my life. He just didn't allow them to prevail. I had 2 months of resentment towards it, but then on February 2011, God showed me what His will really is, when I saw the course "BSE-English or simply Education" on San Beda Alabang's pamphlet, my last resort college to enter in. I suddenly remembered the decision I made last May 2010, and finally told myself that this (Education), is the Lord's will for me. Ever since elementary, I always had that "something" for teaching. Never did I realize that it was God who started to work out that miracle in me.
It was something I needed to fight for to my parents, who were at first against me taking Education. But then I thank God that they too, discovered God's will for me. They finally agreed, and were even more welcome to make me pursue that course.
2 days after my HS graduation, the day where I was really at Cloud-9, the Lord made the biggest twist in my life. That was when, my parents finally surrendered their life to full-time ministry. Ironically, I (who has surrendered myself to whatever the Lord wills last May 2010), was the last person in the family (we're only 3 in the family. I'm the only child.) to accept it. It took me exactly ONE year before I was able to accept it.
Last year, 2012, however, was the year where I knew God wanted to make a "BIG CHANGE" in me in totality. Thank God for Camp 2012, I've finally got to accept God's will for my family, including the sacrifices we have given up, just to have a life that is in the ministry. This included giving up the chance to study in a prestigious college, and to transfer to a State University--PNU. This however, was a blessing, for this university offers the best in the course of Education, and I knew that God wanted to give me the best training I can have because after all, this was all He wanted for me.
But it wasn't easy. The real, college life has dawned on me. Peer pressures were everywhere, and many times I was just mislead. I started to strive for excellence for a DIFFERENT MOTIVE. Until the time came where I really didn't know what majorship to take on my sophomore year this 2013. Last September 2012 was the peak of my lost situation. But then God was still faithful, and He used the Missions' Conference to remind me that my mission in this life was to be consistent and parallel with His mission for His children. I was then reminded, and I knew that He wanted me to be an English teacher and a writer that He will greatly use, even in the ministry, if He ever calls me someday. I once again remembered my decision last May 2010. Therefore, I ended with English Literature as my major.
THE PROLOGUE. PART II
However, I thought that God has been silent with His plans for my life after college ever since Camp 2012. I was restless with His silence, and I tried to go ahead of Him, and made my own "glamorous plans" for myself, plans that once the world hears it, they'll clap for me. I was lacking patience. Yes, PATIENCE. But then and again I still found myself very UNHAPPY with my life back then. I was wondering, but then I knew something really went wrong from September 2012.
Perhaps my life before camp was a domino effect of the wrong decisions of 2012. What was really wrong there was that I resorted to wordly influences and friendships after being hurt, despised, stumbled and offended by fellow believers. This is the focus of it all. What happened to me last year in our youth triggered me to almost leave church and pour my 100% on school. THIS IS THE WRONG DECISION.
Therefore, I went to camp, having tons of burdens. I still had hurt, I still had resentments, I still had bitterness to those who mistreated me. I still had regrets with the wrong decisions of listening to the wrong voices and following them. That time, I believed that my life was totally wrecked inside, though it looks perfect on the outside. I was still faithful in church, in my ministries, but my heart has been farther than it has ever been from the Lord. The last night before camp started, I even cried. It was just too heavy, and the worst is that I really don't know anymore what to do, or even what to tell God. But I already called on Him to rescue me.
THE WEEK OF A MIRACLE
So there was camp. My smiles were still a facade, and I was still silent. I wasn't expecting anything, after all that I've been through. I was too tired already. I wasn't even planning to join camp due to my hyperacidity last March, but then there was this small desire in me that pushed me to join. It was God, who really placed me there in camp. I then believe, that He has already prepared something, perhaps a MIRACLE for me in camp, I just didn't know.
First night. First challenge. "Preparations for a MIRACLE." MIRACLE? WHAT? I laughed deep inside of me. I couldn't just believe that God will immediately speak to me at the first night. The preacher then said that we should expect miracles from God this camp. If we weren't expecting anything, then why did we join at first place?
"OUCH. Lord, I know, this is ME!"
The preacher then added that we should plead God for it, and trust Him, and He will bring it to pass. The MIRACLE is a CHANGED LIFE. Expect a MIRACLE from God...
I didn't know how to react with those words, but all I know was that God was already answering my "rescue call". God was already telling me that He placed me in camp for a purpose, for a MIRACLE. I didn't think twice anymore. I immediately told Him, "YES! Lord! Perhaps this is the reason why I'm here! You have in store a MIRACLE for me, right?! Oh, Lord, I know You are able to work at least ONE. Just give me the enough faith to trust You, and I know, this camp will be one camp to remember. I know that I'll be a different person by Friday, by the time I hit valley deep. I know You will do that...I just want to trust You!"
AND IT HAPPENED. MIRACLES, one after another, POURED like RAIN on me.
Tuesday morning. The morning challenge was about being a "Smart Sheep". Just as soon as the preacher described a "dumb sheep", I was already crying. I told God, "Enough, Lord, it's hurting me! I will agree I have been a dumb sheep for so long! I keep on doing the same mistakes, following the wrong crowd, and just being so stubborn! I am so sorry..."
Tears were just running down my face, enough to keep me awake the whole morning. It was the first challenge, where I finally went down to the altar, and surrendered my stubbornness to Him. I realized that after being hit by the messages, it feels light and good to be rebuked by God.
Tuesday night. The evening challenge was about the "Prodigal Son", and again, I ended crying. I realized that one can "backslide" even when he/she is faithful in church. And that was no other than me, whose heart has gone too far just because of being stumbled by churchmates. As a result, I ran away, as far as I could. I joined the wrong crowd to prove something, that I am someone, and lavished myself with all the world can offer, especially in terms of academics, social standing in school, and future career opportunities. But then, just like the Prodigal, everything was taken away from him; everything was taken away from me. None of them did last. None of them really satisfied me. I got tired at the end. I got weary planning my future. I got disappointed by almost everyone. My heart was broken again and again, all because I wasn't living for the right purpose.
God took everything away from me, just so that I'll realize that life is not about these, life is all about Him, and having Him, I SHALL NOT WANT ANYMORE.
All the decisions I've made since April 2009 (where I dedicated my life to Him), April 2010, May 2010, February 2011, April 2012, September 2012, flashed on my mind. And without a second thought, I told God, "Lord, I can see a pattern in my life. Everything I've tried to plan never worked out, all because You wanted Your will to prevail. Everywhere I go never satisfied me, all because You are the only One I should run to. Thank You Lord for leaving me empty, so that I will finally see You, the only One who is able to fill my life with PURPOSE. This is Your MIRACLE Lord, I surrender ALL."
That night was the climax. I went to the altar, once again, surrendering all my resentments, bitterness, and my past. I surrendered my plans, my dreams, my ambitions. In exchange, I let God have full-control of my life. His will be done, not mine. From questioning His silence about His will for me after college, I started trusting in Him. I knew He has something great for me again after college, but now is just not the right time for Him to show me yet. All He wants me to do is to stop worrying about the future, but rather be the best college student I could ever be, so that when time comes when He reveals His will for me after graduation, I would not need to say that I had regrets, because I gave my all for Him. So I surrendered my future as well to His hands, and whatever it may be, I know that it will be the best, and so I am following His leading. That same night, I was able to smile from the heart again, and I never regretted joining camp.
THE EPILOGUE.
But wait! There's MORE! It didn't end there! The following nights, as I've finally succumbed myself to His will, He still continued to speak to me. One of them was when God challenged me, and lovingly told me to stay with the 12, and to never go astray with the 19,988, whatever the circumstances are, however the pressures may be, and no matter how hurt I get in standing for Him, whether inside or outside the church. I told Him, "Lord, it's getting harder. It's getting harder to stand for You, not only in school, but even in church, now that we're experiencing some "coldness of hearts" in our youth, it's really hard. People will misunderstand you at some point. People will take your service to God negatively at some point. But Lord, what they say doesn't matter anymore. What matters is my service to You. I don't want it to be hindered by anything anymore. Yes, Lord, I'll stay, no matter what it takes, I'll stay with the 12. May You find me faithful, by Your grace, for Your glory. Help me Lord, for I am much afraid of how things will take place once I get back to church, but I know Lord, in some little way, they'll be able to realize and see that it's really YOU working out MIRACLES in my life." I've finally surrendered my doubts, worries, and fears to Him too. And it just made me love the ministry, even the youth, I've never prayed for them as much as I do after that night, and I'm still praying that God would open their hearts and work out MIRACLES in their life too. I know that in His time, He will.
So that is camp--a week of a MIRACLE. But not only the messages, I also praise and thank God for giving me the opportunity to bond with my group, whom I've learned to love just as I love the color--PURPLE. Our real group name is PURPLE-PATIENCE, and I've really learned to be patient! Being a leader, for the very first time in camp, now even in college camp, was never easy. I rejected our counselor's offer at first, for I believed that I was incapable, but then I thank them, for believing not in HOW MUCH I HAVE, but with HOW GOD CAN WORK with ALL that I HAVE, ALL that I AM, so I finally said "YES!" to the challenge and became one of the leaders of Team UBE. We gained great camaraderie just at the first night, and during the second day, we felt like we've known each other for YEARS! God is so good! He has worked MIRACLES in our group too, as we have proclaimed ourselves, "We are MIRACLES", truly by His grace, we have become one. Even though I had a hard time when my hyperacidity attacked, but I thank God because they were there in prayers, and in support. They really aided in making me feel better, because I really didn't want to lose a moment in giving my all, together with them, for God's glory!
I thank God now, as I look back, and truly, "I can see His orchestration in my life", as He has paved the way in making all things work together for my good. I am trusting Him, that He'll be able to carry me through the upcoming storms of life, and I know that He'll be faithful to rescue me whenever I drown. But hopefully, I'll drown LESS this time, and I'll walk on the storm together with Him longer.
THE PROLOGUE. PART I
My life had been very draggy, heavy, and burdensome since January. One wrong decision after another has been made, until I was left in a situation where it seems like nothing can redeem me any longer. I had, once again, strayed too far, just way too far, and in and of myself I was already incapable of saving myself from the mire I chose to dive in. I knew only GOD could make a MIRACLE. But I don't know when, I don't know how, I just don't know.
When Youth Camp was first announced to us last February, I really didn't care. It was totally OUT of my mind. I focused on other cares, for I really had many other cares, and camp seemed to be out of the picture that time. I thought my situation was really far from reach that even an activity called "Youth Camp" can't do anything with it, so that time, I rather lingered being in the mire, enjoying the pleasures of this world for a season, with a crowd of friends who gave me "seemingly the right advice", when in fact, they were just for self-gratification and self-satisfaction. I had a wrong envision for myself then. I envisioned myself to be that one popular student in school who will do anything in order to be recognized in the midst of the university's tough and rough competition. I was willing to compromise, because that time, I'd thought that what I would compromise wasn't a big deal anyway.
So from a fully surrendered life since May 2010, I was starting to take back some portions of my life again, and reserve those rooms for myself.
HOW DID THINGS BEGIN ANYWAY?
I surrendered my life to whatever the Lord wills for my life last May 2010. I finally said "yes", even to the possibility of serving Him full-time in the ministry. I asked Him that time (for I was an incoming senior high school student) to lead me to the course that He wants for me.
Months passed, and the entrance examinations for different top universities began. Along with my parents, I've dreamed of studying in the top universities such as UP and DLSU, with fame courses such as BS Economics, AB Organizational Communications, AB Social Science, AB Journalism, just for the university's "name" sake. So we tried to do everything just in order to pass their entrance exams.
But none of them was God's will for my life. He just didn't allow them to prevail. I had 2 months of resentment towards it, but then on February 2011, God showed me what His will really is, when I saw the course "BSE-English or simply Education" on San Beda Alabang's pamphlet, my last resort college to enter in. I suddenly remembered the decision I made last May 2010, and finally told myself that this (Education), is the Lord's will for me. Ever since elementary, I always had that "something" for teaching. Never did I realize that it was God who started to work out that miracle in me.
It was something I needed to fight for to my parents, who were at first against me taking Education. But then I thank God that they too, discovered God's will for me. They finally agreed, and were even more welcome to make me pursue that course.
2 days after my HS graduation, the day where I was really at Cloud-9, the Lord made the biggest twist in my life. That was when, my parents finally surrendered their life to full-time ministry. Ironically, I (who has surrendered myself to whatever the Lord wills last May 2010), was the last person in the family (we're only 3 in the family. I'm the only child.) to accept it. It took me exactly ONE year before I was able to accept it.
Last year, 2012, however, was the year where I knew God wanted to make a "BIG CHANGE" in me in totality. Thank God for Camp 2012, I've finally got to accept God's will for my family, including the sacrifices we have given up, just to have a life that is in the ministry. This included giving up the chance to study in a prestigious college, and to transfer to a State University--PNU. This however, was a blessing, for this university offers the best in the course of Education, and I knew that God wanted to give me the best training I can have because after all, this was all He wanted for me.
But it wasn't easy. The real, college life has dawned on me. Peer pressures were everywhere, and many times I was just mislead. I started to strive for excellence for a DIFFERENT MOTIVE. Until the time came where I really didn't know what majorship to take on my sophomore year this 2013. Last September 2012 was the peak of my lost situation. But then God was still faithful, and He used the Missions' Conference to remind me that my mission in this life was to be consistent and parallel with His mission for His children. I was then reminded, and I knew that He wanted me to be an English teacher and a writer that He will greatly use, even in the ministry, if He ever calls me someday. I once again remembered my decision last May 2010. Therefore, I ended with English Literature as my major.
THE PROLOGUE. PART II
However, I thought that God has been silent with His plans for my life after college ever since Camp 2012. I was restless with His silence, and I tried to go ahead of Him, and made my own "glamorous plans" for myself, plans that once the world hears it, they'll clap for me. I was lacking patience. Yes, PATIENCE. But then and again I still found myself very UNHAPPY with my life back then. I was wondering, but then I knew something really went wrong from September 2012.
Perhaps my life before camp was a domino effect of the wrong decisions of 2012. What was really wrong there was that I resorted to wordly influences and friendships after being hurt, despised, stumbled and offended by fellow believers. This is the focus of it all. What happened to me last year in our youth triggered me to almost leave church and pour my 100% on school. THIS IS THE WRONG DECISION.
Therefore, I went to camp, having tons of burdens. I still had hurt, I still had resentments, I still had bitterness to those who mistreated me. I still had regrets with the wrong decisions of listening to the wrong voices and following them. That time, I believed that my life was totally wrecked inside, though it looks perfect on the outside. I was still faithful in church, in my ministries, but my heart has been farther than it has ever been from the Lord. The last night before camp started, I even cried. It was just too heavy, and the worst is that I really don't know anymore what to do, or even what to tell God. But I already called on Him to rescue me.
THE WEEK OF A MIRACLE
So there was camp. My smiles were still a facade, and I was still silent. I wasn't expecting anything, after all that I've been through. I was too tired already. I wasn't even planning to join camp due to my hyperacidity last March, but then there was this small desire in me that pushed me to join. It was God, who really placed me there in camp. I then believe, that He has already prepared something, perhaps a MIRACLE for me in camp, I just didn't know.
First night. First challenge. "Preparations for a MIRACLE." MIRACLE? WHAT? I laughed deep inside of me. I couldn't just believe that God will immediately speak to me at the first night. The preacher then said that we should expect miracles from God this camp. If we weren't expecting anything, then why did we join at first place?
"OUCH. Lord, I know, this is ME!"
The preacher then added that we should plead God for it, and trust Him, and He will bring it to pass. The MIRACLE is a CHANGED LIFE. Expect a MIRACLE from God...
I didn't know how to react with those words, but all I know was that God was already answering my "rescue call". God was already telling me that He placed me in camp for a purpose, for a MIRACLE. I didn't think twice anymore. I immediately told Him, "YES! Lord! Perhaps this is the reason why I'm here! You have in store a MIRACLE for me, right?! Oh, Lord, I know You are able to work at least ONE. Just give me the enough faith to trust You, and I know, this camp will be one camp to remember. I know that I'll be a different person by Friday, by the time I hit valley deep. I know You will do that...I just want to trust You!"
AND IT HAPPENED. MIRACLES, one after another, POURED like RAIN on me.
Tuesday morning. The morning challenge was about being a "Smart Sheep". Just as soon as the preacher described a "dumb sheep", I was already crying. I told God, "Enough, Lord, it's hurting me! I will agree I have been a dumb sheep for so long! I keep on doing the same mistakes, following the wrong crowd, and just being so stubborn! I am so sorry..."
Tears were just running down my face, enough to keep me awake the whole morning. It was the first challenge, where I finally went down to the altar, and surrendered my stubbornness to Him. I realized that after being hit by the messages, it feels light and good to be rebuked by God.
Tuesday night. The evening challenge was about the "Prodigal Son", and again, I ended crying. I realized that one can "backslide" even when he/she is faithful in church. And that was no other than me, whose heart has gone too far just because of being stumbled by churchmates. As a result, I ran away, as far as I could. I joined the wrong crowd to prove something, that I am someone, and lavished myself with all the world can offer, especially in terms of academics, social standing in school, and future career opportunities. But then, just like the Prodigal, everything was taken away from him; everything was taken away from me. None of them did last. None of them really satisfied me. I got tired at the end. I got weary planning my future. I got disappointed by almost everyone. My heart was broken again and again, all because I wasn't living for the right purpose.
God took everything away from me, just so that I'll realize that life is not about these, life is all about Him, and having Him, I SHALL NOT WANT ANYMORE.
All the decisions I've made since April 2009 (where I dedicated my life to Him), April 2010, May 2010, February 2011, April 2012, September 2012, flashed on my mind. And without a second thought, I told God, "Lord, I can see a pattern in my life. Everything I've tried to plan never worked out, all because You wanted Your will to prevail. Everywhere I go never satisfied me, all because You are the only One I should run to. Thank You Lord for leaving me empty, so that I will finally see You, the only One who is able to fill my life with PURPOSE. This is Your MIRACLE Lord, I surrender ALL."
That night was the climax. I went to the altar, once again, surrendering all my resentments, bitterness, and my past. I surrendered my plans, my dreams, my ambitions. In exchange, I let God have full-control of my life. His will be done, not mine. From questioning His silence about His will for me after college, I started trusting in Him. I knew He has something great for me again after college, but now is just not the right time for Him to show me yet. All He wants me to do is to stop worrying about the future, but rather be the best college student I could ever be, so that when time comes when He reveals His will for me after graduation, I would not need to say that I had regrets, because I gave my all for Him. So I surrendered my future as well to His hands, and whatever it may be, I know that it will be the best, and so I am following His leading. That same night, I was able to smile from the heart again, and I never regretted joining camp.
THE EPILOGUE.
But wait! There's MORE! It didn't end there! The following nights, as I've finally succumbed myself to His will, He still continued to speak to me. One of them was when God challenged me, and lovingly told me to stay with the 12, and to never go astray with the 19,988, whatever the circumstances are, however the pressures may be, and no matter how hurt I get in standing for Him, whether inside or outside the church. I told Him, "Lord, it's getting harder. It's getting harder to stand for You, not only in school, but even in church, now that we're experiencing some "coldness of hearts" in our youth, it's really hard. People will misunderstand you at some point. People will take your service to God negatively at some point. But Lord, what they say doesn't matter anymore. What matters is my service to You. I don't want it to be hindered by anything anymore. Yes, Lord, I'll stay, no matter what it takes, I'll stay with the 12. May You find me faithful, by Your grace, for Your glory. Help me Lord, for I am much afraid of how things will take place once I get back to church, but I know Lord, in some little way, they'll be able to realize and see that it's really YOU working out MIRACLES in my life." I've finally surrendered my doubts, worries, and fears to Him too. And it just made me love the ministry, even the youth, I've never prayed for them as much as I do after that night, and I'm still praying that God would open their hearts and work out MIRACLES in their life too. I know that in His time, He will.
So that is camp--a week of a MIRACLE. But not only the messages, I also praise and thank God for giving me the opportunity to bond with my group, whom I've learned to love just as I love the color--PURPLE. Our real group name is PURPLE-PATIENCE, and I've really learned to be patient! Being a leader, for the very first time in camp, now even in college camp, was never easy. I rejected our counselor's offer at first, for I believed that I was incapable, but then I thank them, for believing not in HOW MUCH I HAVE, but with HOW GOD CAN WORK with ALL that I HAVE, ALL that I AM, so I finally said "YES!" to the challenge and became one of the leaders of Team UBE. We gained great camaraderie just at the first night, and during the second day, we felt like we've known each other for YEARS! God is so good! He has worked MIRACLES in our group too, as we have proclaimed ourselves, "We are MIRACLES", truly by His grace, we have become one. Even though I had a hard time when my hyperacidity attacked, but I thank God because they were there in prayers, and in support. They really aided in making me feel better, because I really didn't want to lose a moment in giving my all, together with them, for God's glory!
I thank God now, as I look back, and truly, "I can see His orchestration in my life", as He has paved the way in making all things work together for my good. I am trusting Him, that He'll be able to carry me through the upcoming storms of life, and I know that He'll be faithful to rescue me whenever I drown. But hopefully, I'll drown LESS this time, and I'll walk on the storm together with Him longer.
You paid all our sin, bore all the shame,
Your love, mercy, and grace abound!
Your life You have surrendered,
You gave it Your all, took all the blame,
Oh Lord Jesus, we bow in
TOTAL SURRENDER.
And the theme of this year's camp is "TOTAL SURRENDER".
TO GOD BE THE GLORY! ^_^
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