The Marks of One's Character in Three Years

This afternoon's rain in the middle of May reminds me of three years ago. 

There remains a similar vibe, a similar feeling, even a familiar scent, however with so much changes that transpired within those three years.

Today, I write this article as I officially bid farewell to a chapter that has truly slanted my life to a whole new level, to a different direction, completely different, unprecedented, and unexpected. 

Last May 17, 2020, I finally graduated from Bible College. I will not talk about how the pandemic changed our graduation and made our batch a historical and memorable one. That does not even come close. I will not mention so much of the content that I have learned, because this goes more than just a comprehensive exam--but a test of something far greater. Rather, I would like to share a few snippets of the three-year journey, and why I can say, at this point in my life, that it was necessary and eventful. 

To provide better context, you might need to read some of the articles here as to why I've seemingly ended up taking Bible school a year after I graduated from college and started teaching. Here is the article that I wrote last April 2017 that somewhat summarized and narrated the events that lead to such decision.

However, that was three years ago. I did not know that there was so much more behind what I thought as to God's purpose for leading me to Bible school. I thought it was just a dream, a call, a step that I should take in order to better determine God's will for my life. To be frankly honest, I was lost and drenched a year after a graduation. Although I hated admitting this way back, but now that I have come to be more authentic and transparent before the Lord and myself, I do confess that I decided to enroll in Bible college, more than the call to be a Christian educator, more than the burden within, is truly because I needed answers behind the questions that have been lagging and burning within me ever since I was 12 (2007). I wanted to know the path He has set for me. Thankfully, the Lord remained to be my Way-maker and Path-finder, but it is only through bracing the journey that Bible College entailed that led me to where I am today.

True enough, not everyone was supportive of my decision, several doubts were raised in front of me, but unknown to me that time was that there were more and more doubts that were raised behind me. Little did I know that it was the beginning of what the Lord will truly refine and sharpen in me within the next three years--that is, CHARACTER. The Lord has worked differently for each one of us in our batch, but to me personally, Bible College, from the start to the end, has been a season of character-revealing, character-unveiling, and ultimately, character-building.

I remember my father saying that Bible College for him has worked in a way that his character was strengthened and was shaped to fit into the very plan of God for him. Today, I can attest into that. Bible College is a process that 1) showed a person's character flaws, 2) straightened those flaws out through the Word of God, and 3) slanted and elevated a person's character, to mold them into God's eventual plan, purpose, and path for them.

FLAW

Even I myself fell into the trap that 'Christian educational institutions are filled with the top 100 righteous Christians in one's community.' 

It is a scam. 

Christian educational institutions are filled with nothing but wretched, vile, dirty, disgusting, immoral sinners--all equally saved by God's grace, through the equitable salvation that Christ has offered to and for all. I hope we never forget this. Because oftentimes at the beginning of the journey, I forgot that. Pointing fingers became a habit. Blame-shifting, name-calling, and hypocritical-judging have been a part of my system. True enough, it is quite easy to compare ourselves as the 'better ones,' especially in such an environment that tempts and lures us to think highly of ourselves. It is a trap, Christians. It is not from the Lord. Ultimately I have seen that the enemy uses different schemes to take a hold of the hearts of the very persons inside a Christian educational community--the very persons who have supposedly surrendered their lives to the Lord. Thankfully, the Lord taught me a lesson early on my journey. It was a hard blow on myself, for all these years, even prior to entering Bible College, I really thought that I was 'good and strong enough than others.' It took me to personally experience being the one who was once ostracized, misunderstood, name-called, and even judged, for me to fully understand the impact of my former mindset. 

My first year in Bible College was an extremely humiliating one. True enough, if it were not for the lessons on humility as exemplified in the life of Christ, in the lives of other Bible characters, in the exposition of the haughty lives of Israelites, and even in the prideful malpractices of the early church, my heart would not be contrite and my spirit would not be a broken one. Even up to this writing, I pray that God would remind me, even after I have graduated from Bible college, never to see myself as the 'better' one. May we always see ourselves the way God sees us--unworthy, undeserving, imperfect and flawed, yet still chosen by the Lord to be a workmanship for the purpose He has carved in us. May we see ourselves under His construction business, every single day, until He takes us home.

STRAIGHTENING

My Bible college experience, as it marched on to the second year, was more of God's pruning, straightening season after realizing where I was crooked and bent. As what we always say in class, the Bible works as a straightedge that irons and flattens out the crumpled principles within us. But such ironing would not have happened if one was not humbled by the Lord. As I continued to be propelled by God's love and grace, it was through this year that truly melted and changed my heart for the better--my desire to reach out to those who are also being left out, despised, neglected, and greatly judged grew in my heart and in my being, and being able to teach in the Christian college in the morning while study under Bible College in the evening showed me so much about the realities of Christian ministry. In this article, I mentioned that 2018 gave me a huge paradigm shift in terms of my quest for a "clearer and finer" definition of ministry. As I quote, 

"In capping off the phases and seasons of the past, I have come to the truth that only few Christians do understand or remember: Ministry is service and one's mission field is one's God-given sphere of influence to His children."

It was truly within this year where I grew up. God's grace allowed me to blossom when I thought I was a dried land, with a brook dried up by the humbling birth pains of the previous years. It was in this year where I saw the need to be His beacon for those who are in need--both inside the Christian educational institution, and even outside at work and in graduate school, and it was through this process where I have learned to love the very 'ministry' bestowed to us, believers, that is, "the ministry of reconciliation." Being able to acquire solid, healthy, and growing bonds with people all the more made me realize that the realities of ministry should not be mere performance and titles, as well as acquisition of Biblical content and knowledge. Just as it was exemplified through Biblical principles in discipleship, ethics, counseling, personal evangelism and apologetics, The core of Christ ministry was His love and COMPASSION for people. It is what moves Him--it is what should move us too. The realities of ministry ought to be more focused on building, cultivating, nurturing relationships that are far from toxic, rather closer to supporting one another's wellbeing through applying characters, morals, and values found in the Bible.

ELEVATION

Finally, just as it matters how we started, it matters how we end the journey. The last year served more as a confirmatory year for many things. In this article, I mentioned how much a fuzz 2019 was. As I quote,

"[It was] mostly about my future, and about the seemingly unending quest to stability. In these months, I have heard a hundred voices, each saying a different path to take. I have been offered a hundred choices, each pointing to a different direction to tread on. However, each of those potential decision, had a similar waterloo--lack of ownership, accountability, originality and uniqueness. They are simply not my own, not for me, not meant nor created for me. They are not His choice, nor His voice. And as I have learned way back, listening to another voice other than the Lord's ends up in regret. Allowing another other than the Lord to influence or direct your choices wallows up in resentment and grudge. Admitting my mistakes of yesteryears truly enabled me to objectively recall and reflect what that season showed and taught me. One of the priceless lessons from those years was never allowing oneself to be associated with anything or anyone that is not of the Lord's."

Thus, the final year was confirmatory in a sense that it only fortified and elevated my character, as well as my sense of purpose and direction. It was in this last year where the clamors of the past 2 years have come to a more steady rest. The most pressing questions from the previous years have been answered, and the Lord gave me clarity in the midst of waiting and trusting the path. It was not an easy year, still. At some point, there was this thin line between proving to everyone the path that God has given me and simply living the life He has called me to live. Throughout time, and even until now, I am reminded that the latter choice always wins. The final year has truly taught me to bravely shun away any influence, any voice, any opinion, any eye laid on me that is not from the Lord. I have learned how to courageously and unashamedly walk into the person He has made of me in broad daylight. I have learned how to bravely act accordingly to the purpose He has laid in my heart. 

I have realized that whenever we do God's will, He will be the One who will silence our doubters, redeem us from the pit of discouragement and despair, carry us above the tidal waves of pressure, and finally bring those unnecessary opinions unto His day of reckoning. God's judgment is wise, infallible, true, and objective. May we remember to be sensitive to His leading, and when He leads, may we also bravely follow suit, regardless of how others see, interpret, or comment on it. 

As I end, I have not figured out everything. But compared to where I am three years ago, I am grateful that through this journey, the Lord has revealed to me so much, and within those realizations were chunks of lessons worth learning and experiencing. As of now, my desire to be a witness for Him to places beyond the reach of other church workers remain to be the very core of my being. I trust that while the Lord calls laborers to plant churches, I do believe that the Lord also calls laborers to toil and bring His light within the society. Wherever He leads me--be it here in the local education community, or elsewhere in this planet, the past three years will always serve as a three-point memorial for my character development: 

1. Character flaws bring us humility and draws us closer to the Lord.

2. Character pruning and strengthening breeds in us compassion for the lost, and the desire to bring them to the Lord in healthy ways and means.
3. Character elevation brews in us courage to pursuit and follow hard in what the Lord has called us to do.

Just when others think that Bible college is not really after Godly character-building but rather Bible principle, and knowledge acquisition, well that is wrong. God, through His Word, is after changing the hearts of men more than just changing their minds. That is the very essence of metanoia, the Greek word for 'repentance.'

I look forward for "what's ahead."